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Motif · from book 1

Loot boxes

Bronze, silver, gold, platinum and legendary boxes awarded for achievements — mostly torches, potions and pet biscuits, occasionally a Nightgaunt Cloak, a war gauntlet or a pair of enchanted boxer shorts. Odette says it plainly: the boxes are not random, and complaining about pants is why there are no pants.

First appears: Book 1

Series arc

As of book 8. The dungeon's reward and its leash. Odette's rule from book 1 — the boxes serve the show, and the AI will 'fuck you right in the ass at the worst possible moment' if that is more interesting — is the lens for every prize: the war gauntlet that arrives when Carl needs a fist, the boxers that arrive three chapters before the elemental, a Celestial box worth near-immortality of which eighty-two in eighty-three are vetoed, benefactor boxes to other crawlers with gifts meant for Donut, a Prepotente box that screams, a 1914 box for Gavrilo Princip, thirty-two from the club. Book 8: Donut's celestial boxes and forty more, nearly all Bronze, a legendary Lorena Bobbitt box shaped like a hot-dog bag, a cobra-headed fan box of Rishi's garbage, Platinum Boss Boxes, and a legendary box for seeing a mimic first. The ledger below lists every box the text awards, by tier.

Open threads

Status is open or resolved; the chapter after it is the last one that moved the thread.

Thread Opened Status
The boxes: what they are for when there is no show to serve B8 ch. 89 open — Odette's rule has held for eight books: the boxes serve the show. Book 8 still awards them by the dozen, most of them for the war's end; the last is a legendary box for seeing a mimic first. With the leaderboard suspended and everybody watching, what the AI's boxes do on the floors below, and whether the Celestial boxes Donut holds are the last.

All threads: Open threads.

Through book 1

Bronze and silver boxes are torches and potions; the Gold Apparel Box for entering without pants holds a Nightgaunt Cloak and a Trollskin Shirt (B1 ch. 2, B1 ch. 5). The pattern is visible by the Juicer: the shuriken and the war gauntlet arrive exactly when Carl needs a fist that will not break (B1 ch. 25); the BigBoi Boxers' Protective Shell arrives three chapters before the Rage Elemental (B1 ch. 35, B1 ch. 38); Determine Value potions keep coming until the History tab exposes the Valtay items (B1 ch. 19, B1 ch. 25, B1 ch. 47). Odette says it outright (B1 ch. 29): the boxes serve the show, and the AI will 'fuck you right in the ass at the worst possible moment' if that is more interesting. Donut has 230 torches (B1 ch. 29).

Through book 2

Earth Boxes that reach into memory — a candle, a cat tree, a cactus, the Sacketts (B2 ch. 5); a Scroll of Upgrade that makes boxers the best item Carl owns and takes his pants and a casino chip from the Lucky Bastard box (B2 ch. 13); fan boxes (B2 ch. 17); and the Celestial box, 2,145 ever given, worth enough to make a crawler nearly immortal — eighty-three of them awarded and eighty-two vetoed (B2 ch. 26).

Through book 3

The AI's coupons after the veto (B3 ch. 2); a saddle and a game show from two fan boxes (B3 ch. 7); a trapped suitcase (B3 ch. 5); benefactor boxes at last — a pill from the Valtay (B3 ch. 13), goggles from a princess (B3 ch. 15), one bolt from another (B3 ch. 29); a Big Daddy box of toothpaste (B3 ch. 15); a riot shield and a baton (B3 ch. 29). 'Troll or not, you’re getting more and more powerful.'

Through book 4

Water-breathing scrolls and antidotes as a hint about the floor (B4 ch. 2); a Legendary Deity's Box and a Platinum Spicy Box for surviving a god (B4 ch. 2); a benefactor's upgrade to last floor's goggles as the cheap way to build a Legendary item (B4 ch. 9); boss boxes worth less each floor, city-boss and up from now on (B4 ch. 23); seven Summary Judgement boxes from a won lawsuit, each with a stock certificate and a mother's photograph (B4 ch. 28); a Platinum Fan Box with voting (B4 ch. 28); a Savage Box with fuzzy handcuffs (B4 ch. 32); an Emergency Platinum Benefactor Box, which Mordecai guesses was the most expensive in the game's history, holding a head-thrower (B4 ch. 34).

Through book 5

Thirty-four Hunter-Killer Boxes opened in a row (B5 ch. 8); Emberus's first boon is a dud, plus fifty per cent to fire spells Carl does not have (B5 ch. 24); the Apostate Box is a tattoo, and an achievement is its own reward because the boss box was already given (B5 ch. 36); a goat wastes an emergency benefactor box in the open (B5 ch. 49); an Odious Creeper's boss box gives satchel bombs (B5 ch. 55); benefactor boxes to other crawlers that hold gifts meant for Donut, all the Apothecary's but Katia's (B5 ch. 57, B5 ch. 63).

Through book 6

Dozens of achievements and boxes waiting from before the party, a legendary boss box and two quest boxes among them — 'It’s like Christmas!' (B6 ch. 2); Imogen's legendary boss box opens with ridiculous fanfare (B6 ch. 3); a Gold Prepotente Box that most everyone gets, named for the goat who broke a floor, which screams open (B6 ch. 40); a Champion Pack with Gatorade (B6 ch. 47); a Gold Gobble Box from the deckmasters (B6 ch. 48); the hydra's boss box, mostly a dud with a Warrior's helmet Carl cannot wear, and a benefactor box with a flyer in it (B6 ch. 49); a Platinum To Hell in a Handbasket Box (B6 ch. 58).

Through book 7

Donut's run out the door: Sentry, Shield, a kilt, You're Not Done Yet, a tiara on a pillow (B7 ch. 3); Carl's: a holster with his name, a Midnight Market patch, bagpipes, a toe ring, a Celestial skill potion from a box shaped like a demon's drum kit (B7 ch. 4); a Legendary 1914 box for Gavrilo Princip (B7 ch. 27); thirty-two from the club (B7 ch. 57); two Celestial boxes for a champion (B7 ch. 77).

Through book 8

Donut's two celestial boxes, a legendary Lorena Bobbitt box shaped like a hot-dog bag, and forty more, nearly all Bronze (B8 ch. 8); Carl's smaller pile and a cobra-headed fan box of garbage (B8 ch. 10); Platinum Boss Boxes (B8 ch. 22, B8 ch. 25); a legendary box for seeing a mimic first (B8 ch. 89).

The boxes

Every box the text names, by book and tier (a count in brackets when the line says ×n).

Book Bronze Silver Gold Platinum Legendary Celestial All
1 14 7 8 2 2 — 33
2 1 7 4 4 — — 16
3 2 1 4 4 — — 11
4 2 13 4 9 1 1 30
5 — 3 42 4 — — 49
6 1 2 6 7 2 1 19
7 — — 2 2 4 2 10
8 2 — 1 1 — 1 5
Book 1 — Dungeon Crawler Carl (33)
Book 2 — Carl's Doomsday Scenario (16)
Book 3 — The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (11)
Book 4 — The Gate of the Feral Gods (24)
Book 5 — The Butcher's Masquerade (16)
Book 6 — The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (19)
Book 7 — This Inevitable Ruin (10)
Book 8 — A Parade of Horribles (5)

Where they appear

Book Chapters they are in (of the book's) Where
1 — Dungeon Crawler Carl 21/48 2, 4–9, 12–13, 16, 19, 22, 25, 29–31, 35, 43–44, 46–47 · the book's own page
2 — Carl's Doomsday Scenario 7/26 Ch. 5, Ch. 8, Ch. 12, Ch. 13, Ch. 21, Ch. 22, Ch. 26 · the book's own page
3 — The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook 13/35 2–3, 5–6, 8, 12–13, 15, 18, 20, 25, 31, 35 · the book's own page
4 — The Gate of the Feral Gods 7/35 Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 11, Ch. 18, Ch. 23, Ch. 28, Ch. 34 · the book's own page
5 — The Butcher's Masquerade 8/78 Ch. 3, Ch. 6, Ch. 8, Ch. 24, Ch. 36, Ch. 49, Ch. 51, Ch. 55 · the book's own page
6 — The Eye of the Bedlam Bride 7/74 Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 40, Ch. 48, Ch. 49, Ch. 65, Ch. 72 · the book's own page
7 — This Inevitable Ruin 7/89 Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 11, Ch. 29, Ch. 57, Ch. 73 · the book's own page
8 — A Parade of Horribles 3/99 Ch. 10, Ch. 25, Ch. 65 · the book's own page

By book

Loot boxes in book 1 — Dungeon Crawler Carl

Bronze and silver boxes are torches and potions; the Gold Apparel Box for entering without pants holds a Nightgaunt Cloak and a Trollskin Shirt (ch. 2, ch. 5). The pattern is visible by the Juicer: the shuriken and the war gauntlet arrive exactly when Carl needs a fist that will not break (ch. 25); the BigBoi Boxers' Protective Shell arrives three chapters before the Rage Elemental (ch. 35, ch. 38); Determine Value potions keep coming until the History tab exposes the Valtay items (ch. 19, ch. 25, ch. 47). Odette says it outright (ch. 29): the boxes serve the show, and the AI will 'fuck you right in the ass at the worst possible moment' if that is more interesting. Donut has 230 torches (ch. 29).

Loot boxes in book 2 — Carl's Doomsday Scenario

Earth Boxes that reach into memory — a candle, a cat tree, a cactus, the Sacketts (ch. 5); a Scroll of Upgrade that makes boxers the best item Carl owns and takes his pants and a casino chip from the Lucky Bastard box (ch. 13); fan boxes (ch. 17); and the Celestial box, 2,145 ever given, worth enough to make a crawler nearly immortal — eighty-three of them awarded and eighty-two vetoed (epilogue).

Loot boxes in book 3 — The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

The AI's coupons after the veto (ch. 2); a saddle and a game show from two fan boxes (ch. 7); a trapped suitcase (ch. 5); benefactor boxes at last — a pill from the Valtay (ch. 13), goggles from a princess (ch. 15), one bolt from another (ch. 29); a Big Daddy box of toothpaste (ch. 15); a riot shield and a baton (ch. 29). 'Troll or not, you’re getting more and more powerful.'

Loot boxes in book 4 — The Gate of the Feral Gods

Water-breathing scrolls and antidotes as a hint about the floor (ch. 2); a Legendary Deity's Box and a Platinum Spicy Box for surviving a god (ch. 2); a benefactor's upgrade to last floor's goggles as the cheap way to build a Legendary item (ch. 9); boss boxes worth less each floor, city-boss and up from now on (ch. 23); seven Summary Judgement boxes from a won lawsuit, each with a stock certificate and a mother's photograph (ch. 28); a Platinum Fan Box with voting (ch. 28); a Savage Box with fuzzy handcuffs (ch. 32); an Emergency Platinum Benefactor Box, which Mordecai guesses was the most expensive in the game's history, holding a head-thrower (ch. 34).

Loot boxes in book 5 — The Butcher's Masquerade

Thirty-four Hunter-Killer Boxes opened in a row (ch. 8); Emberus's first boon is a dud, plus fifty per cent to fire spells Carl does not have (ch. 24); the Apostate Box is a tattoo, and an achievement is its own reward because the boss box was already given (ch. 36); a goat wastes an emergency benefactor box in the open (ch. 49); an Odious Creeper's boss box gives satchel bombs (ch. 55); benefactor boxes to other crawlers that hold gifts meant for Donut, all the Apothecary's but Katia's (ch. 57, ch. 63).

Loot boxes in book 6 — The Eye of the Bedlam Bride

Dozens of achievements and boxes waiting from before the party, a legendary boss box and two quest boxes among them — 'It’s like Christmas!' (ch. 2); Imogen's legendary boss box opens with ridiculous fanfare (ch. 3); a Gold Prepotente Box that most everyone gets, named for the goat who broke a floor, which screams open (ch. 40); a Champion Pack with Gatorade (ch. 47); a Gold Gobble Box from the deckmasters (ch. 48); the hydra's boss box, mostly a dud with a Warrior's helmet Carl cannot wear, and a benefactor box with a flyer in it (ch. 49); a Platinum To Hell in a Handbasket Box (ch. 58).

Loot boxes in book 7 — This Inevitable Ruin

Donut's run out the door: Sentry, Shield, a kilt, You're Not Done Yet, a tiara on a pillow (ch. 3); Carl's: a holster with his name, a Midnight Market patch, bagpipes, a toe ring, a Celestial skill potion from a box shaped like a demon's drum kit (ch. 4); a Legendary 1914 box for Gavrilo Princip (ch. 27); thirty-two from the club (ch. 57); two Celestial boxes for a champion (ch. 77).

Loot boxes in book 8 — A Parade of Horribles

Donut's two celestial boxes, a legendary Lorena Bobbitt box shaped like a hot-dog bag, and forty more, nearly all Bronze (ch. 8); Carl's smaller pile and a cobra-headed fan box of garbage (ch. 10); Platinum Boss Boxes (ch. 22, ch. 25); a legendary box for seeing a mimic first (ch. 89).