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Characters

The main cast, the people who recur, and everyone else the books name. Through book 7.

The party

The supporting cast

The people the story keeps coming back to.

With them from the start

Joined along the way

Recurring

Present in three or more of the books read, by how often.

Everyone else

Everyone else the books name, grouped by the book that first names them. Open a book, or type a name.

Book 1 — Dungeon Crawler Carl 14
  • Jack this book only — A Meadow Lark resident in a Cincinnati Bengals hat who pokes the women and asks 'You still alive, Marybeth?' He urinates on a dungeon wall on the second floor after the system has announced that doing so summons a Rage Elemental.
  • Mrs. Parsons this book only — Carl's first-floor neighbour, leaning out of her window to complain about the howling cat when the building is crushed. She is the first person he watches die.
  • Mukta this book only — The Admin who substitutes for Zev during her suspension, overrides her booking, and puts Carl and Donut on the Maestro's show with the words 'You seem to be under the impression that you have a say in this, crawler.'
  • Ralph this book only — Level 11 Neighborhood Boss: a frenzied gerbil, champion of the kobold fighting pits, whose mouth opens as wide as a dingo's. Swallowed by a freed dingo, blown out of it, stunned, and smushed under Carl's bare foot.
  • Randall this book only — A Meadow Lark resident with a walker who pushes into the boss arena to see if the kids are all right; killed beside Yolanda by the Rage Elemental.
  • Rebecca W this book only — A level-3 crawler with a koi-and-crane sleeve tattoo, found naked and dead against a wall 200 metres from a safe room with an apple core in her inventory and Killed by Crawler Frank Q over her corpse. Frank's story makes her a human trafficker; the Maestro's footage shows she was just afraid.
  • Rory and Lorelai this book only — Two level-7 goblin shamankas — one pierced fifty times, one in a bone necklace — whom Donut charms into tears and a chopper by asking whether the piercings are a daddy thing. They start a meth war with the llamas on her word.
  • Tally this book only — Bopca Protector of the first safe room Carl and Donut find, a hairy, motionless gnome in a paper hat with a Slavic accent who makes the best vindaloo Carl has ever eaten, special-orders salmon for Her Highness, and explains what happened to the last planet the Squim Conglomerate ran.
  • The Ball of Swine this book only — Level 15 Borough Boss: thirty tuskling knights and courtesans fused by war magic into a rolling sphere of flesh that guards the stairwell to floor two. Popped like a balloon by the Speedbump, then slaughtered in their tuxedos and gowns.
  • The Hoarder this book only — Level 7 Neighborhood Boss: a fifteen-foot woman in PINK sweatpants buried in a room of garbage, vomiting Scatterers, begging in Spanish to be sent to Jesus. Carl beats her to death with his fists and a dog leash, and never forgets it.
  • The Juicer this book only — Level 9 Neighborhood Boss: a troglodyte fused with a bodybuilder, curling in a gym boss room and throwing flaming weight plates. 'Bro, I need a spot, bro.' Donut opens his neck vein and nearly dies of it.
  • The Rage Elemental this book only — Level 93 penalty mob summoned by urinating on a dungeon wall, a six-legged badger skull in purple smoke that dissipates only after 666 souls. Kills Yolanda and Randall, besieges a chicken restaurant for most of a day, and is lured into a stairwell to dissolve.
  • Yolanda Martinez this book only — Yolanda Martinez 13, a four-foot-eleven CNA from Meadow Lark with a bow and a quiver that drags on the floor. She is the one who has to shoot Jack. She dies standing over Randall when the Rage Elemental comes, and the book stops to give her an obituary.
  • Yvette this book only — Frank and Maggie's teenage daughter, who wept in the tutorial guild, refused the gun her mother put in her hand, hid under Maggie's stealth field in the safe room, and was hurt by Carl's rat-corpse trap before her mother strangled her.
Book 2 — Carl's Doomsday Scenario 15
  • Apollon the Mighty this book only — The circus strongman, an ogre Elite with a vine growing from his neck, who sells cones of writhing white worms — 'Iced Cream' — from a stand in the big top. Carl eats one. His face is the middle head of Signet's three-headed ogre tattoo.
  • Burgundy this book only — A dark-haired human clerk with one blue eye and one brown, who wishes Carl luck on the magistrate's stairs — and is, by night, a krasue: a woman lured from another town with the promise of work at the Desperado Club, twisted by Remex, and cursed. She gives Carl the truth from the wreckage with her legs burned to charcoal and asks Donut to kill her while she is still mortal.
  • Eklund this book only — A game guide in the skyfowl town, Mordecai's old friend, 'too smart for his own good,' who tells him the name of the program Carl has walked into: Vengeance of the Daughter.
  • Eunice and Ricky Joe this book only — The family next door to the elves' temple: Eunice, a level-30 Fathom Dwarf, heavily pregnant mother of fifteen, who takes a rolling pin to the elf whose spell bounced a rock off her boy's head and goes into labour that evening; and Ricky Joe, level 2, who ties his pet salamander Benjamin to a stick, punches a velociraptor, and loses his arm to Mongo, who swallows it along with Benjamin, eaten for the second time, and gives it back when Ricky Joe demands it.
  • Fitz this book only — The fat, bald, level-30 human on the sign of the One-Eyed Narwhal and behind its bar, who has never had royalty in the Narwhal, strokes the photo of Bea, weeps for GumGum, trades free rooms for Hair-of-the-Dog potions, and raises the night patrol against a lich that isn't one.
  • Gordo this book only — Bopca Protector of the Belly-Rubbed Pug, who has to ask Mordecai to sheath his sword, drinks himself under the table with him, and is dosed with a potion so Mordecai can read the bopcas' newsletter in his kitchen. 'You two are so dead.'
  • GumGum this book only — A level-5 orc, blood-stained and drunk, who piles the twisted bodies of murdered out-of-town prostitutes outside the gates each morning because nobody else will, and asks the adventurers for help. Her mother, a lady of the night too, was stabbed and crawled home to die on their stoop. Tortured and killed by the city elves within hours of Carl accepting her quest.
  • Heather the Bear this book only — Grimaldi's roller-skating black bear, weeks from retirement when the cataclysm came: now a level-19 boss with a skull for a face, a pink clown hat fused to the bone, worms for claws and a tutu. Carl fights her alone so that Signet can use her blood as the sacrifice; a splat of healing custard frees the old bear from the worms, and she asks with her eyes to be finished.
  • Magistrate Featherfall this book only — The medium skyfowl settlement's magistrate, a dark cleric who wanted more control of the guards and was killed by the feedback of the spell he cast to get it — long before Carl arrives. Found hanging naked and mummified in a bone dreamcatcher, a fetish keeping the krasue bodies safe by night.
  • Manasa this book only — A famed naga singer, cobra-headed, her latest single ranked eighth in the universe — and a Valtay contract: the real Manasa died long ago and a worm drives her body. She swaps production trailers with Carl and Donut so they can shower, and dies by Prince Stalwart's pulse in their place. Her last performance is played a cappella to a silent studio.
  • Miss Quill this book only — Level-30 skyfowl 'assistant to the Magistrate,' keeper of three hundred beanie babies and the gate to Featherfall's office, granddaughter of the Over City's royal family and the real power in the settlement: a mage with a forgery spell, a dead husband for a battery, an army of krasue, and a three-generation genocide spell two nights from completion. Killed by three sticks of dynamite hidden in her own shelves.
  • Quint — The Desperado Club's pharmacist: a level-75 half-djinn, half garbage-scowl — an opossum head on a small tornado — and a former crawler who chose it as a race. Mordecai's old friend and supplier. Advises Carl and Donut not to make a deal on the tenth floor.
  • Remex the Grand this book only — Miss Quill's late husband and the magistrate before Featherfall, yanked back from death as a Soul Leech Capacitor — a featherless, smoking skyfowl huddled above the swordsmen's warehouse, storing the soul power of everything that dies in town. Not a lich, not a boss, a bereft minion, and once a crawler: 'a tenner.' He has to tell the whole story before he is allowed to end.
  • The 201st Security Group this book only — A doomsday cult of banished city elves in fake military uniforms who worship the skyfowl as angels of Apito the Oak Mother and believe Donut — wearer of an oakwood anklet — is the Oak Fell, the antichrist. Twelve, then nine. Their champion Vicente loses his head to a Magic Missile; the rest burn outside their own temple.
  • Tucker this book only — A stuffy human stand-up comedian on the Danger Zone panel who objects to a pet on the panel and is called Butler for half an hour. Sides with the kua-tin, warns Carl that advocating sedition is a crime, and is told to shut the fuck up by a princess.
Book 3 — The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook 27
  • Babababoons this book only — 'A standard earth baboon crossed with the population from a Florida jail drunk tank' — the AI is proud of this one — in ripped T-shirts, the first mobs seen in stage two of the DTs and the first inside a transit station.
  • Bin the producer this book only — A grey who produces Planet Beautiful: he began it alone to record the cultures being erased, and now Titan wants ratings, an AI writes the scripts, and he is being punished for succeeding.
  • Dismember this book only — The war mage in the third car of the Dismemberment Limited, silver-haired and elf-looking though he says he is not, who has eaten six parties and needs eight more iterations 'and you'll know exactly what we are.' Beheaded through Donut's Hole spell mid-monologue. Every named train, Carl guesses from the recap, has one of his kind.
  • Donita Grace this book only — A crawler on Carl's chat who could not tell a colour from a name ('The Fulvous line is a subway'), and whose last message came from station 24: 'Millions of them.'
  • Dreks this book only — Level-6 demonic babies in packs of fifty at Sirin Station, who cannot open a sliding door until one of them can; scraped to paste by a Protective Shell cast on a moving train, along with a hedgehog ogre called a Psycho Sticker.
  • Fire Brandy this book only — Fire(wo)man of the Nightmare Express: a level-75 Lesser Demon MILF sealed in the boiler, giving birth every five minutes for sixty days, one in ten thousand viable, the rest becoming the Sheol Bricks the train burns. A German accent, two and then three living children, a contract she takes seriously, and — once Tizquick tells her about his daughter — the memory of a boat and a castle and other children who never came back. She drives her train into the abyss.
  • Fleshers this book only — Skins torn from fallen soldiers by a ninth-floor war-mage spell, sentient, looking for bones; hundreds of them slap at a gangway chock on the Dismemberment Limited. A Flesher that finds a skeleton becomes a Symbiote — Levi — and each resleeving makes the next one smarter.
  • Forkith — Author of the Cookbook's 20th edition, an Urgyle Sapper who reached at least the eleventh floor, annotated the whole book, taught readers how to append notes to passages, and mourns his sister Barkith.
  • Gore-Gore this book only — Ochre line engineer, a ManTauR — a man's body with a second torso and pair of arms where the neck should be, blue Braveheart paint, Wolverine claws — level 40, an adherent of Grull, who explains the abyss gate to 'Princess Donut' and then, told who crashed his train, fights as a neighbourhood boss. Electrocuted on the third rail with a war god ten seconds from arriving. The mantaurs are the last employees to 'hold the faith.'
  • Ji-Hoon this book only — A level-21 Knife Sharpener, twenty-five, who put a backstab dagger into Donut on the Desperado dance floor while a companion stunned the guards. Donut's Cockroach skill held, and he died on the floor with his throat slashed: Donut's first skull.
  • Jikininki — The Tangle's janitor ghouls: seven-foot, chattering, in conductor's suits, who leave you alone if you don't bleed, litter or trespass. They board at station 12, swarm the wrecks at the bottom of the abyss, and are generated at 12 by a soul crystal — the word 'ghoul' on this floor covers them, the Festering, Blister and Wrath kinds, and worse.
  • Levi the Seventh this book only — Driver of the Dismemberment Limited: a Troll Flesher wearing a hobgoblin skeleton, the seventh iteration of a war-mage spell called You're Not Done Yet, who begs every party not to board and screams for the whole trip. Saved, once, when Carl pulls the war mage's head through a hole.
  • Limp Richard this book only — Mole Man general-store keeper at station 83 with sixteen Earth paperbacks, one missing its ending, who trades five for five Louis L'Amours and later the Battery Fabricator for the rest and a jug of moonshine. 'There are a lot of my kind on this floor… They're all book hogs!'
  • Madison this book only — Iron Tangle Human Resources Associate, level 10: a soccer mom in a white dress and one heel whose description is a divorce, Pilates and a book club, who tells dwarves that overtime is mandatory, invented the gold armband that marks troublemakers as edible, and, Carl suspects, has never seen her apartment. Left at station 60 to wait for Rod; hanged there by the dwarves and gremlins once they understood.
  • Pierre this book only — Yellow line porter, a Grapple — 'your everyday quarter giant,' a slave race bred down from hill giants — who hands out one suitcase per crawler per line from the Porters' Reward Room in car 10. Number one held lingerie and an invisibility potion; number eight held Literal Fire Ants.
  • Red Cornets this book only — Banshee Station's mobs: skinless, eyeless, human-sized rabbits, a devolved Lepus with an echolocation attack that renders everyone but Mongo Queasy, tapping empty vials of their fix. Cleared for science.
  • Silfa this book only — A fifty-year-old Wisteria Fairy Holistic Healer of Brynhild's Daughters, half Donut's size, who owns a bakery and has two mage daughters in the party. Told to stop healing Katia and to hide in the mantaur's apartment; the bait in Hekla's plan, Carl believes, and the one who tells Carl the party is over.
  • Sinjin — Author of the Cookbook's 15th edition: the sapper's-table recipe for a hobgoblin smoke curtain soaked in healing potion that mass-kills undead.
  • Terminus this book only — Station 433, the 'last transit station' every employee tells you to get off at: one of six station mimics — a city boss, level 90, 23,000 crawler deaths — that swallows the first twenty of Bautista's four hundred like cheese rings, and later, as a railroad crossing on the tracks, is scooped whole into Trainyard E. Cut in half by Grull. Its minions are mouths on centipede legs that double when halved.
  • The earlier editions this book only — The twenty-four crawlers whose notes fill the Cookbook: Porthus the Rogue who received it as a blank sketchbook; Forkith, an Urgyle sapper who lost his sister Barkith and asked readers to kill an enemy in her honour; Drakea under the Naga — 'Once lit, a fire is easier to stoke than it is to extinguish'; York on the hive that never meets except in the book; Herot's Worn Path Method; Coolie on deities. Carl is the twenty-fifth.
  • The Kravyad this book only — Not bosses but Human Resources: blue, six-armed naga who hypnotise conductors and porters into a 'pre-production stupor' between shifts, are paid in a dwarf or two a shift, and are lifebound to the employee portal at station 435 — kill one and it closes. Bautista's group's did.
  • Tito this book only — Wheel of Fortune croupier at the Desperado casino, a one-toothed human mountain: 'Also, the guy who will stab you.' Nothing! on his wheel is a trapdoor.
  • Tizquick this book only — A Mango line conductor weeping on the floor of station 60 because his little girl was never real. He stays to guide crawlers from line to line, helps Elle find the blown 72, tells Fire Brandy what he learned, and rides the Nightmare into the abyss with her: 'I know how this works.'
  • Vernon this book only — Yellow line train conductor, a dwarf, level 32, who drinks in the employee break room from station 10 to 435 and does it again: the first NPC to explain the loop — the train resets, he does not — and the duplicating drawing of a wife Carl takes for a made-up phantom. Burned to death by Donut's suitcase of fire ants.
  • Wendita this book only — The Bopca of station 83's Nirula's, talked from 50,000 to 37,500 by Donut and then paid with a coupon; in tears at the upgrades. 'I knew when you talked me into paying my own money it was nothing but a test.'
  • Widget this book only — Grease Gremlin technician at Trainyard E, level 19, Zev-sized under a wrench three times his length, who slides down a chain in a purse to tell the party the station is closed, the ghouls are near critical mass, and there was always an easier way — the Escape Velocity train. Beheaded by a ghoul Donut had already killed once, mid-wave.
  • York — A tenodera poet and Advocate, the Cookbook's tenth-edition author, whose hive-born loneliness Carl read in book 3: left alone to fly the Homecoming Queen in book 7, he vaporises the orc yacht of children and feels nothing until Boomer tells him the war is leaving the dungeon. Captain in the Open Intellect Action Network.
Book 4 — The Gate of the Feral Gods 26
  • Batbilge — Author of the Cookbook's 12th edition, whose warning that the marketplace interface tags the book as an heirloom worth some fifty million gold is, by Allister's note, the last thing Batbilge wrote.
  • Bogdon Ro — A human Legatus, ninth on the leaderboard at level 31 and eighth by the end of the floor. Carl does not know who he is.
  • Brad this book only — The man Bea went to the Bahamas with: filming a homeless man's arrest in an airport parking garage when the world went, too near a dungeon entrance he now dreams of ('I am a king'), stuck a month in a tent in New Queen Anne with a woman who cries herself to sleep. Shot by Lexis going for a pirate's pistol and left to bleed out.
  • Clay this book only — Dromedarian gatekeeper of Hump Town, level 30, a Joe Camel with a homemade anti-air bazooka and five guided rockets on a string, who takes a blitz stick as the toll, tells the party to stay out of city hall, and laughs about it with his friends: the first scam of the floor.
  • Commandant Kane this book only — Commander of the dreadnaught Wasteland, holder of the second pocket watch and the other half of the hostage code, whose gnomes bombed the Bactrian town and who, by rumour, ordered the bombing of the changeling village, slept in a Texan plumber's bed with a drawing of his own wife and baby in the stolen frame, and was ripped to shreds by the goose his daughter kept as a pet. 'Ripped to shreds by Denise.'
  • Crixus this book only — The Vahana's level-52 Sniper Captain, in a black half-helmet like Carl's father's, with a wide-bore Tickle Stick and a bandolier of Live Ammo Balls; Hicks is the pilot. Both fall through the floor of their own basket.
  • Denise this book only — A white goose in a bloodied blue bonnet — the Feral Goose Mother, level 53 Borough Boss — Emperor Anser's granddaughter, plucked from the seventh floor through a magical gate and left too long in the Nothing, captured by the gnomes long ago and one of the pets Kane got Bonnie after Sausage. Magic cannot hurt her; the house's own objects can; she fires her teeth like shot. Killed head-first in a garbage disposal with one second on the clock.
  • Emerald this book only — A level-30 dromedarian woman digging through the rubble of city hall for a hostage who is already dead, who explains, once Donut compliments her headscarf, that proof of collateral goes to the gnomes every sunrise and that without it 'what happened to the Bactrians will happen to us.'
  • Gennrik this book only — A tentacle-faced saccathian pirate hunting the Walk-On List with Sadir to earn the Prism's buy-in bid, who lets the wrong cat go and says of the crawl that his family does this because they like it. Shot through the chest in Bea's tent by Lexis.
  • Ghazi this book only — The Mad Dune Mage: a level-43 human Glass Mage of the Larracos College of Magecraft, an unkempt man in a bathrobe with a fictional bard tattooed across his chest, who told his college he sought the Gate for teleportation research and in truth wanted to bargain with a lust god for a woman from a play. He summoned Psamathe instead, married her ooze by mistake, turned his castle to glass and himself to sand, and watches cartoons in his basement while his wife eats him. Punched out for the winding box; killed by Katia; turned to sand.
  • Gideon — A human tank-class crawler, active in the chats, allergic to dogs, who stays up in the Lacuna long enough to report a hairless gorilla god killed by a snake with Woody Harrelson's head, and a whip-carrying monster knocked loose from a bubble by the fight.
  • Gravo and Liddi this book only — Two Soothers hosting the Veriluxx New Toys Showcase, a toy commercial made to play at fueling depots: Gravo, a deadpan sheriff in a Styrofoam cowboy hat and a badge spelled 'Sherif', and 'Professor Liddi' in a Wish-dot-com Superman suit with cow-print cape, whose two favourite feeds are Donut's and Lucia Mar's.
  • Henrik this book only — An old changeling principal wearing a level-30 dromedarian, the true leader of Hump Town's shadow government, keeper of the pocket watch and of Wynne, the gnome hostage who cooperated for years and whom he drugged with Mairmei mushrooms once he resisted, visiting him in other shapes. 'Sometimes we do things that are not of our nature to protect our own.' Juice Box's brother. He goes into the tomb after the ghost and dies on the Akula's bridge, and the third piece of the Gate is looted from his faceless body.
  • Justice Light — A skyfowl veteran of an earlier crawl and the Cookbook's eighth-edition author, an Origamist who killed a shopkeeper and became one, and the one Dante, a fellow Cookbook author, followed to the Trap Master guild without ever saying who he was: he readies the Posse's throne room, will not fight crawlers, needs the Gate of the Feral Gods for a project nobody knows, and stays behind at the end to snap the twine on a trans-dimensional trap that breaks the Nothing. 'I am not sorry.'
  • Leon the Commissar this book only — Level-44 Dirigible Gnome Negotiator and chief political officer of the Wasteland — 'might have been a tax attorney in another life' — who comes down in the Vahana to inspect a hostage with a changeling-detecting spell, smells of perfume over a man rationed a gallon of water a week, calls the camels Anser's slaves, and is pushed off the rim of a hole in his own basket by an Astral Paw.
  • Lika this book only — A half-naiad trobairitz — a bard cleric under a vow of celibacy — and the fictional heroine of a popular series of Larracos stage plays, loosely based on a garbled history of Psamathe. Ghazi's Lika was a personal companion device made in her likeness, with a soul trapped inside, kept in a fountain as a cleaning pod, crystallised, and toppled by Mongo. Her head is Samantha.
  • Quetzalcoatlus this book only — Emperor Anser's wife, buried alive with his court and now a screaming, bird-shaped ghost that walks through the tomb's walls: a Wailing Shrieker, the kind of ghost paranoid kings bred by plying women with affection so they would die of grief on hallowed ground beside the corpse. Killed by exorcism, banishment, the destruction of the lover's body, or electric shock; neutralised by any flesh-giving spell. She kills seven on the Akula's bridge, six of them changeling principals, turns a leviathan around, and dies when lightning reaches the water.
  • Rickard — Author of the Cookbook's most recent edition before Carl's, who added little but recorded that he entered the dungeon with his pregnant wife and that she vanished the moment he passed through the gate.
  • Sadir this book only — A Null — a grey, guitar-pick-headed 'Roswell' alien, of a race whole systems bar — with children in a null commune in the Filt system and two strikes against him, who hunts the season's Walk-On List for a bounty crew in Seattle's freezing rain because the orcs raised the resident alien tax. He sees Beatrice and stammers her name; Odette's people frame him and plan to buy his warrant.
  • Shamus Chaindrive this book only — A paranoid, greedy bugbear treasure hunter who trusted only constructs, spent twenty years under the sea hunting the Gate of the Feral Gods, docked his great submarine against an underwater entrance to the tomb, and loosed Ruckus on his rivals. Long dead: a head in a jar on mechanical spider legs, broken by Chris on the Akula's bridge.
  • Svern this book only — A level-49 Changeling Principal guarding the basement of city hall in a camel's shape, whose card is an essay about a widow's collection and the empty slot that eats at her. Killed asleep by Carl's foot; his corpse plays Henrik's under a robe on the sand.
  • The tomb raiders this book only — Five of the crawlers who started in the subterranean quadrant: Low Thi, a level-25 D-Bag Geek who speared the hostage; Tyler Storm, a Weather Engineer; Mike Barnes 3, a Banana Farmer in a banana costume; Morris Sp, an Arachnid Freelance Psychiatrist; and Bobby D.J., a twitching Spy who was the only one who could find traps. Possessed, drowned out, hunted by a ghost and by Maggie, they die one by one; the last two die connecting the cable that electrifies the tomb. 'All crawlers who originated in the Subterranean Quadrant may now freely travel to the other quadrants. […] Oh, wait. They're all dead!'
  • Tish this book only — The woman who was 'here the whole time': a colleague of Ghazi's who writes under the council's letter — 'Scolopendra will never be defeated now. We needed that artifact, and all you could think about was your cock' — and to whom his last note and the winding box were meant to go. Donut is outraged on her behalf.
  • Vadim Zbar this book only — A level-28 Kuhli — a spotted gecko-like race — Gut Rearranger covered in daggers: a Ukrainian cosmetic surgeon famous for botched surgeries and, per Langley, fifty children; one of the Akula's three survivors and the only one who will go back. He leads the way, runs for the last escape pod when the sharktopus comes, fires it through the dead boss, and dies in it with a pain amplifier jelly.
  • Wynne this book only — Level-50 Dirigible Gnome Flesh Mechanic, Commandant Kane's favourite uncle and Hump Town's hostage for years, chained under city hall, starved and drugged so that he would cast the spell that gives flesh to a ghost. He tricks a stranger into spearing him rather than cast it, and his head, retrieved from a flooding tomb, is raised by Donut to fool his own people.
  • Xander this book only — A ragged, human-sized cyclops who keeps the All-Seeing Spleen under a hatch in the Soulless Prophet's land quadrant, cannot catch a thrown coin, and has only Jimbo soup and crackers: the prophet is dead, the Rat Queen died, and bloodworms hold the tunnels.
Book 5 — The Butcher's Masquerade 53
  • Ajib this book only — A one-legged level-29 Prodromoi from a popped bubble, second to last in the staging area's line.
  • Akland this book only — Moon Elf, level 51, Artillery Specialist of the Dream: an accountant who did well at fantasy hunter camp, won a place in the Faction Wars army and was paid to come somewhere that 'was supposed to be easy'. Caught by Samantha, handcuffed to a pole, and marked; his inventory holds biscuits and a gonorrhoea arrow meant for Louis.
  • Areson the Wise — Apollon's brother, a level-45 ogre strongman and an elite in Signet's crew, in the Hunting Grounds when Scolopendra struck: he ranges north keeping the trail clear, comes back with an arrow in his head and a hunter over his shoulder ('Yummy'), carries the sacrifice, is last seen on the head of the boss Carl's Protective Shell launches into the sky, and names Big Tina. A third of a dead nodling, born a toddler.
  • Arwick this book only — A hunter of the Dream carried into Signet's camp over the shoulder of Areson, who has an arrow in his own head, 'smooshed a little to de-bleat him': a poisoned arrow, and a children's menu from a Canadian diner with the hunters' map of the floor drawn on the back.
  • Biff this book only — Valtay Porter Bot 6.ff, who seats Carl at a table for four before a packed stadium with an empty space beside his chair: 'This is where you'll be sitting, Carl.'
  • Bravvo this book only — A level-50 unaffiliated yenk hunter shot from the sky and tied half-burned across Nadine's saddles: dexterity his highest stat, nine Levitation potions and a slot inventory of health and mana in his pockets, a naked corpse in Carl's inventory afterwards.
  • Chin'Dua this book only — A level-50 Draconian Striver, unaffiliated, found snoring on a barrel with a Dirty Shirley in Zockau and used as bait: beaten to death and his head crushed as the barrels go off. His scaled hand is a trophy.
  • Circe Took — A minor hive queen of the mantis people: a businesswoman who owns an amusement park and whose family runs a fantasy hunter camp on a moon the Dream rents once a cycle, once a famous hunter, moderator of CrawlCon's 'Crawling Through the Ages' panel, and mother of Hunter Xindy and of Vrah. She cleaves a table through Carl on camera, sues to free her daughter, sponsors the god Diwata (selling half of all she owns to do it, Empress D'Nadia tells Donut), and dies in the castle pit torn apart by the god's children, screaming Carl's name.
  • Claude Sludgington the Fourth this book only — Eryops Gigantis, level 65 Borough Boss: a river squatter who came to the Naiad Confederacy's fundraising ball — thrown because their aversion to taxes left no money for the castle — and never left the throne room. Killed in thirty seconds.
  • Cleiton this book only — A Brazilian crawler of Team Flamengo in sapphire armour, first act of the talent show with an unprepared knock-knock joke ('I am poor knee'); dead in the pit beside Gwen. His teammate with the stone hawk Gimli — Osvaldo, a Curupira ranger — took the memorial crystal from Imogen's body before Prepotente could.
  • Clint Smashgrab — Level 50, Were-Kin, Light Recon Specialist: a three-foot warrior in studded leather and a Rambo bandana with a metal bar for a foot, one of six schoolboys of the Chee transfigured into were-castors by Imogen's own spell before her cleansers were sent in, bald and one-legged when not a beaver. He upgrades Point Mongo's southern wall and puts out a burning leg with his tail; torn apart under Fort Freedom in front of Holger, his body never found. He lives on as a child in Signet's ink.
  • Diwata this book only — A god of trees, squirrels and forest rats, one of Apito's brood but not a direct child, always changing sex, disliked by a pantheon that hates her power to give birth to ordinary new life: sponsored by Circe Took, born from a Crest hunter tricked into her temple as a birthing vessel, the dryads' blood flowing into his mouth, gone in five minutes to cure her daughter — as a male mantis — and stuck on the floor as a birthing female by her own spell. Mantises behead the security guards and Carl realises Diwata is in the castle; she is knocked out by Samantha's soul crystals, and is stripped from her driver by Laundry Day: 'has returned to the Halls of Ascendency.'
  • Dr. Ratchet this book only — A dwarf visiting the planet who borrows the studio for a demonstration and can see Carl there in the studio: 'Keep your head down.' His autographed Guide to Building Automatons for Fun and Profit is left in the empty studio on an Automaton Table, and its recipes become Spider Stalkers.
  • Edict this book only — Edict, Mantis, level 50, Merchant of the Dark Hive — 'I'm not a hunter' — an accountant of Deep Mind sent shivering to Carl's door as a salesman, who explains that finding the stars was the worst thing that ever happened to his people and chooses death in battle over three dishonours (ruin, revenge on his family, a forbidden mating): he lunges at Carl's crotch, is flagged Super Naughty, and is teleported naked into the nearest monster nest.
  • Effex this book only — A terrified soother who runs three and a half hours of autographs on animated photographs, mirrored across the galaxy by a magic Sharpie.
  • Elmer this book only — Mayor of the large Ursine settlement — level 40, pudgy, bespectacled, grey-muzzled — who takes Donut for a monkey and offers to execute both animals for 150 gold. Shoved off the town's edge by an Astral Paw, he finds every rock on the slope and dies at the water, where a naiad takes the body.
  • Everly — Author of the Cookbook's fifth edition, an insectile crawler ('a spark in my chitin'): her notes on mercenaries, on a sponsor's box that saved her party, and on hope — then 'I take it back. I take it all back', her sponsor Dictum Waystation Controls, Limited having steered her toward a watched and heartrending death. Carl cannot stop thinking of her last entry as the masquerade nears.
  • Frito and Moxo this book only — Two gnoll guards on the Valtay vessel who install a tier-three bed panel and a door to the Ultimate Training Room, deliver a captain's regards, smoke on duty and leave a drugged vape behind ('The matter with the drug was business'). Moxo sings the Valtay jingle.
  • Future Huntress this book only — A level-50 Wire-Haired Orc of the Skull Empire, Boring Ol' Fighter, unlevelled, on her first battle, whose highest stat was charisma: the third orc at the all-tree, carried off as the sacrifice for Signet's spell.
  • G'valt this book only — A Bactrian camel who once wrote Session of Love, a play now performed only by NPCs on the ninth floor, who huffs smoke from a tumbler, says 'Eat my ass, Hurk', and passes out.
  • Goiter this book only — A bugbear council member hammering a roof in the bombed settlement, who says crawlers are not welcome until Carl says they are here to kill the hunters: 'This means we are friends.'
  • Haxor the Destroyer this book only — A level-50 unaffiliated Dreadnought merchant who walks out of the Desperado Club's men's room into Carl, who kicks him in the nuts, breaks his neck on the restroom floor, takes the body into his inventory and hides the cracked sink with a towel.
  • Holger — The were-castor with the mullet ('a sign of my dominance') and a sickle sword, who says the kindest thing anyone has said about Donut's singing ('You need lessons'), claims he can sense a spell being cast, has never heard the word beaver, and weeps for Clint and Miss Nadine 'like my mama died.' Back in his humanoid form and beaming when Carl and Donut reach the stairwell town.
  • Horton this book only — A mushroom crawler afraid of Elle, whose merch Ferdinand's hat resembles, and the second-to-last act: 'This is "Wonderwall,"' on a guitar missing a string, interrupted by the third floor exploding. Dead in the pit. 'It's always sad when we lose a fellow musician.'
  • Hurk this book only — A gleener in a tank, designer of the Desperado Club and 'perennial flower of the CrawlCon panel', blitzed, with a Shakespearean accent, co-judge of the juvenile quickdraw: he trades a perfect score for a compliment on his club, and sobers for a moment to say it has been a while since there was a crawler like Carl.
  • Ian this book only — A Bush Elf janitor in the staging area, once a human crawler, who breaks character to warn Carl: stay on the trail, stay out of Zockau, and beware Vrah, who killed his brother at a food stand last season.
  • Iota this book only — Hunter Iota, Crafter, level 50, Coin Tinker of the Crafter Alliance: a hairy, heart-headed cousin of the soothers with four pierced red nipples down his chest and a leg gone above the knee, teleported out of a saferoom pub into a pack of raptors, drunk enough to explain the primal AI before he dies mid-sentence. His nipple rings come out with a pop.
  • Jenn'ifer this book only — A human woman in her forties with a tentacle growing from the back of her head that has a Yorkie's topknot, a bow and a mouth, named Maggie; president of Princess Posse Inner System chapter 43, in a Society for the Eradication of Cocker Spaniels shirt. Orren summons Quasar into his office with her beside him, and both she and the tentacle burst into tears at the sight of the cat.
  • Keith H. this book only — Six or seven, a dead skunk for a haircut, who has drawn Carl being eaten by a brindle grub: 'My daddy says you're the cat's bitch.' Last place, with four.
  • Kibben — A level-50 High Elf Stablemancer in overalls, the first high elf with short hair, who cages the animals at the castle's freight door and lets Donut move her dinosaurs into the hunters' empty attendant ballroom.
  • Kiwi — A one-eyed level-60 mongoliensis pack leader with forty females behind her, Mongo's mate, charmed by Donut into a minion — and Big Tina's mother, an Ursine transformed with her daughter, who has followed the girl the whole time without her knowing. Turned back into a bear, pregnant, on the masquerade stage by the I Take It All Back potion; carried away with the castle to the ninth floor.
  • Lix this book only — A gnoll pup whose drawing of her pup-pop beating something, maybe an orc, to rid the universe of tax-avoiding scum, wins the juvenile quickdraw with ninety, by arrangement with her grandfather.
  • Miss Nadine — A Bearded Sage Caterpillar, level 50, waist-high, six saddles on her back — once the Chee day school's teacher, who chews the trail through the jungle with her boys riding her. Killed on the riverbank during the Fort Freedom assault, by the boss's lightning as she attacks it; worthy; remade by Edgar's stick as a blood and ink elemental, a young chee woman in a long skirt with a child behind it. She is given life on the masquerade floor: 'Forever. She gave us life.'
  • Ontario this book only — The hunter whose alarm traps mine the park around Zockau's stairwell; known only from his name on the cards.
  • Pearson this book only — A changeling once a dromedarian bartender, now in cretin form, who holds the Desperado's door and takes the map; dressed as a robed Signet in the last wagon to see whether the guards will attack her, and expelled from elf territory with an hour to leave, as Carl whispers to her, 'Get to the cave. Stick to the plan.'
  • Prudence this book only — A barmaid of Prepotente Town Number Four hiding her cubs, Randy and Todd, who tells the story of Big Tina's recital and is given the guildhall; her cubs eat ice cream and tell the gnome girl she will burn. Never part of the plan to be saved, she is rescued anyway, and dies on the castle roof protecting two babies. Her Water Ballad is danced without her.
  • Queen Imogen this book only — Signet's half-sister, once King Finian's Sorcerer General, now Queen of the High Elves: High Elf Cleric Sorceress, Level 145 Country Boss, new this season and unseen until she fades into a wagon wearing the face of Ifechi's twin. The AI's card gives her no redeeming quality — a terrified girl afraid of dying like her father. She casts the Butcher's Masquerade for a boon nobody has earned, is sealed into her own party, and dies in the pit under blunt-force fire to a beat and a potion smashed into her face. Her prized necklace was a memorial crystal for Apito.
  • Sierra this book only — Sierra, Northropi Vampire, Level 65 Neighborhood Boss, 'a bereft minion of Viscount Fog': the mount of a vampire hunter, wounded and turned in a day, who fights to boss music of EDM, bongos and monkey screams while Carl lies frozen in the rain.
  • Skindle this book only — Zev's subordinate and the Popovs' associate at the autograph table, to whom Maxim complains they were left with one chicken.
  • Sydnee Iglacia — A small saccathian crawl historian in a dirty toga who scoffs through Circe's ten-minute lecture on primal engines, the overpopulated galaxy and the Indigenous Species Protection Act, is the one panellist who says she cares about it, and gets Carl's endorsement for the cover of A Petite Chronicle of the Crawl.
  • Tam this book only — A level-45 Light Cleric bear of Point Mongo who wants the naiad and dinosaur rules back and the holy shield of piety returned: the town was safe only because it did not sin, and 'a pagan monkey with a pet dinosaur' has ended that.
  • The Apothecary's spokeswoman this book only — A cloaked woman at the back of the panel, older than she looks, whom the audience shrinks from: she says 'Don't', identifies herself as one of Carl's sponsors and a sponsor of the con, and overrules the moderator. 'I have directed them to allow you to speak.'
  • The Funeral Bells this book only — Tall mushroom men with white-painted faces, level 95, the humourless day-and-night guards of the sixth floor's smaller settlements: paralysed like anyone else, put to sleep by Li Na's spore-smoke, and eaten by Big Tina while they sleep.
  • The Grand this book only — The title of the hunter who makes themselves mayor of Zockau, and the hunter who holds it this season: Vrah, level 70, invisible and flying over the rooftops with a star on her dot, who puts barbed, bleeding, poisoned crossbow bolts through Carl's shoulder and thigh and shoots down an incoming pet hawk to protect her kill. Carl names the mayor as Vrah when he wakes.
  • The head of security this book only — An older gnoll with a quarter-moon insignia and mandarin breath, head of security on the Valtay vessel, who asks one favour — look approvingly on his grandpup Lix's art contest entry — in exchange for overlooking Carl's habit of stealing from green rooms.
  • The Talent this book only — A Skull Empire orc who cast Lightning beside an all-tree and fried himself: 'Corpse of Hunter The Talent', 75,000 gold and a credit chit.
  • Theobold this book only — A level-35 High Elf Footman, nasal and patronising, who explains the goodwill ballroom in the caravan ('shoes for the event. And pants.'), returns in a white dress tuxedo as master of ceremonies, and calls the talent show with dirt on his jacket while the castle is stormed.
  • Uptown Hal this book only — An orange stick of gum with softball eyes, an ex-guide from before guides were former crawlers and host of Uptown Hal Talks Tactics, on the 'Crawling Through the Ages' panel: he reads the tactical situation aloud — 'You know you're fucked, right?… make sure you kill them all' — and calls the cloaked woman a representative of the collective, its spokeswoman, which Carl takes to mean the Apothecary.
  • Viscount Fog this book only — An elite vampire hunter, star of a program called Blood Hunter, who hunted Miriam Dom from the moment she landed and died of an inverted curse at sunset, leaving his mount to grieve.
  • Volteeg — Author of the Cookbook's seventh edition — 'I miss her' — a singing bird made a gargoyle, who lost his mistress on the seventh floor, served twenty-six seasons as an unprotected guard and then as security among the One-Offs, and in book 7 blew up an army for her.
  • Vrah — A mantis hunter of the Dark Hive, level 74, who has killed crawlers by the thousand over many seasons and wears the heads of the dead on her back — Langley's and Bogdon Ro's among them this floor. Warned of on the first day by a janitor whose brother she killed at a food stand; the killer, a few seasons back, of a fellow hunter in a fight ruled legal because it was in the Hunting Grounds; infected by an Arrow of Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea and set on fire; cured by a god her mother bought. She dies at the Butcher's Masquerade under Mongo and Kiwi, gurgling 'How.'
  • Xindy this book only — Hunter Xindy, level 61, Blood Tracker of the Dark Hive, Vrah's little sister and Circe Took's daughter: a flare-casting mantis blown out of the sky over Zockau's street of pubs on the first night. Her claw is the first of the trophies. 'That was Vrah's little sister.'
  • Zabit this book only — A level-66 Beastmaster hunter of the Atoll — a tall, thin, four-armed race with three fingers a hand, a shovel face, a dozen nostrils and no mouth, speaking through a device by sign — whose invisible night-weasel gang is the first attack on the floor. He hunts to pay for his people's habitat: 'No, it doesn't make me feel tough or powerful.' Twenty-five scalps; a trap-module bandolier; the last hunter alive in the castle pit, torn in half by his own mine when Carl casts Tripper.
Book 6 — The Eye of the Bedlam Bride 86
  • Adad this book only — The huge, AI-driven storm god raised beside Dodola from a summoning cube on the prologue's tenth floor and teleported away by Huanxin before he can touch the puzzle.
  • Alpha Male Carl this book only — The son the father wanted, level 69: Grease hair, star boxers with a game-hen bulge, a white gauntlet, buttons reading '#1 Son' and 'Brother of the Century', and Carl's father's voice — 'fist therapy' — whom Donut later picks for her deck over Frank, turns friendly when Carl summons him ('Maybe we should hug it out'), bullies a crab into ascending, and dies with a spider's leg through his head.
  • Amayon — One of the four crown princes of Sheol — the youngest, Samantha thinks — level 250, betrayed by a brother and expelled upward into the body of a zombie sea serpent during the eighth floor's Demon Eviction: a centaur-pig body, lava skin, a deer's head with four steaming horns and a beak of fire. He wants only to go home; the tithe is a world of souls. Ysalte, his former lover and the mother of his child, enslaves him; a crab, a martyr's steps and a beheading free him. He witnessed the deal that killed Geyrun, and will tell Emberus for the price of three brothers.
  • Anaconda this book only — A purple-skinned quarter-naga lead dancer, Donut's other favourite, Damascus Steel's brother of a different species: 'If you're going to fight him, I'm going, too.'
  • Anton Lopez this book only — A tattooed Havana crawler, Paz's cousin, who worshipped Ogun to resist a charm he could not remember; Oshun turns him in the Thorn Room, Sister Ines takes half his fingers to wake him, and Ogun steps on his head after Carl's Black Nimbus removes him from the god's mercy. 'Just like that, as if he was nothing.'
  • Armita this book only — Odette's friend since birth: a demigod attendant for the Ascendency whose messages the AI may not monitor, who brokers the bribe with Huanxin in the prologue; the friend Odette chose over her cousin Pieter when the dungeon made her choose, who never turned her in, and whom Huanxin killed 'like it was nothing' the following season.
  • Asher — Carl's half-brother, six years old, found on the eighth floor in a memory spliced in from what looks like summer, at a trailer in Dallas County, Iowa: his father's nose and eyes and untameable hair, a matchbox car run up a wall, crayon storms destroying cities, a candy box with a shiny rock, two dollars and a plastic cowboy, a birthday party promised for tomorrow. 'Am I going to get a bike?' Carl never knew he existed; Bea did. His head, on a stalk, is the Reminiscence Hydra's lightning; a spider's eye muffles his echo. 'I wish I'd known you, too.'
  • Asojano this book only — The orisha of smallpox, a level-130 straw-skirted god who came to the Pueblo de los Olvidados to look on what he had lost and is trapped there (his sister Yemaya says he stranded himself on purpose), flagged by Carl as his health starts to blink under Donut's swarm of daggers: a totem who tries a debuff on his own deckmaster, kills bomber pigs with a shake of his wand, fuses with Uzi Jesus into Lazarus, and comes back gilded — Lord of Blight, Gold Edition — to kneel on Quan Ch and raise his boils.
  • Author Steve Rowland this book only — A level-50 forest troll dancer with a mohawk and a club, coin in his eye socket, who slow-dances with Britney at Christmas and is pulled screaming into hell by a demon crab's claw on the FOCSA building's beams.
  • Baroness Victory — Baroness Victory, esquire, formerly of the Skull Empire: half-sister of the late Queen Consort Ugloo, an attorney and judge with an hourglass carved on a tusk, who sentenced her own aunt to indentureship for unpaid taxes and is the only adjutant candidate the other teams sued to keep out. Chosen by Carl over Ripper Wonton and Drick: 'You'll do.'
  • Bea's mother this book only — Face-lifted, cross on a gold chain, the fire head of the Reminiscence Hydra: 'I have a nice, warm cage ready for you… Your uncle is ready to put some fat babies into you!' Snap-collared and shrunk off at the neck.
  • Bucket Boy — A crocodilian healer among the strippers who asks the question nobody wanted, wonders why he does not remember what the others do, delivers Kiwi's twins, and yanks Tagg's heart out when nobody else may.
  • Burcu — A porsuk swashbuckler floating around tenth on the leaderboard, Turkish, one of the three who fought over the memorial crystal at the masquerade; the wife or kinswoman a drunk crawler named Emir threatens Carl with. 'She's going to have to wait until tomorrow.'
  • Carl's father this book only — Found on the eighth floor in a hospital bed in the middle of a trailer's living room, twelve years on and looking forty: 140 pounds, yellow, bullying a six-year-old for cigarettes, watching the Mariners lose. Carl whispers in his ear and leaves the room; his new wife ends him with a lethal dose of morphine. 'He doesn't deserve to have one. Not anymore.' His Panhead, his Glock and his Centipede cabinet go into Carl's inventory; the trailer burns.
  • Charles this book only — A level-25 porsuk badger bartender on the Desperado's middle floor who makes Samantha a dirty Shirley, is carried around the club with his arm stuck shoulder-deep in her neck hole ('I'm practicing my Kegels'), and is ripped in half by Minge — the part inside her burned black. 'YOU KILLED MY BOYFRIEND!'
  • Chuluuna this book only — Ren's stone-skinned tank, a hulking Mongolian who can see the invisible and cast Chain Lightning across a room; pulled apart on the Capitol's tiles by one of Ren's own totems after Quan's Toss-Up switches sides.
  • Commander Stockade — The caterpillar-headed warlord of the Lemig Sortion, whose mother's photograph Carl carries, the last of thirty-five trapped officials devoured by concierge sharks when the Desperado Club's collapse ejects them into flooded Larracos.
  • Damascus Steel — Assistant lead dancer at the Penis Parade, a level-75 Ifrit — metal to the touch, smoke from white eye sockets, baby-goat horns, faded ink and talon scars — Donut's favourite, and an NPC with the same spiderweb elbow tattoo as Carl. He walks Carl into the Guild of Suffering, weeps sizzling tears for his mother Astrid, hires his crew out to Carl for two floors, and goes with his brother Anaconda to fight their father and avenge their mother — 'This is family business,' says Anaconda.
  • Der Schachmeister this book only — A twelve-year-old in a tuxedo and round glasses in the mock arena's Secret Challenge, level 25, an eight-second cooldown and two German wolves, who locks Donut's cards, peeks at her hand, burns her spider and flips her off. 'Congratulations. If this was a real fight, you would all be dead right now.'
  • Dick this book only — Carl's boatyard supervisor, an ex-Navy EDO diver terrified of drowning, who fired a single mother for internet boobs at Bea's request; a hydra head that spits water.
  • Doctor Bones — The Penis Parade's crowned skeleton DJ, a level-90 Skin Skellie Bard with a professor's voice off stage, whose patron was Astrid and is now Carl: his Conscript charm and a better Super Spreader than Carl's make the sluggalos. 'Some are even more powerful than yours.'
  • Dodola this book only — The smaller of the prologue's two storm gods, sponsored every season by a bored grixist heiress: forced into Uzzi's body by the Dart, she shatters the puzzle into a key, ricochets her own lightning and dies in the containment — Huanxin's goddess, lost to her by Odette's trick, and the goddess Huanxin was later permanently banned from.
  • Dong Quixote — A seventy-year-old human stripper in a conquistador helmet and spandex, half his muscles turning to flab when he exhales, who carries a lance with no horse and misses his mount Corcunda, a half-mantaur ridden on stage. Carl gives him Spunky Jefferson the nickel sock, and he talks to it; he clubs a demon crab into the fire for Steve and barely speaks after.
  • Emir Akbas this book only — A drunk, jealous level-55 Zebani Ghazi with a curved sword and a monobrow, dancing with three women on the Desperado's top floor, who punches Carl in the head — 'You assholes keeping it all for yourselves' — loses a boot, and is muted by his own mage.
  • Geraldo this book only — The party's first totem: a Caribbean Kung Fu monk seal flagged in Havana, a tank who flips in with karate noises ('Finally, a real fight!'), hates Raul, insults his mother, is cleaved by a minotaur and skeletonised by a death ray, and never learns not to say 'Yo, what the fuck?'
  • Gluteus Maxx — A short hairy muscle-man dancer whom Katia thinks a little in love with Donut, who breaks things with his butt and fights with twin war gauntlets; he tosses the small slugs at the demons.
  • Harbinger — A caprid Syndicate liaison whose virtual avatar is taller than any room he attends, who promised Maggie My help if she killed Carl and vows on the eighth floor to have him disposed of; he insists on observing Odette's show and vanishes from it mid-interview.
  • Heyzoos — HeyZoos, Uzi Jesus: a unique level-140 totem, origin Ecuador, an anime Christ in a white robe firing an Uzi — 'I am the way, motherfucker' — undead ranged healer with Bullet Hell and Resurrect Totem, given away by Florin because he shot him in the stomach. Fifty per cent compliance and a lie a minute later ('Maybe he's an atheist'); shoots himself in the shoulder; fused into Lazarus; returned as Gold Edition with twin gold Uzis to kill Quan Ch. 'Yeeeee the fuck haw!'
  • Hold Steady this book only — The crawler inside the stairwell circle who primes the tenth floor's nine-piece puzzle in the prologue.
  • Huanxin Jinx — A grixist heiress in the prologue's tenth floor and, seasons later, the CEO of Icon Industries, rich enough to lend to governments: she has played the Celestial Ascendency since childhood and never won, once drove the goddess Dodola, was suspended for bribery and killed Armita for Odette's betrayal. This season she sponsors Eileithyia, the goddess Katia came to worship through Princess Formidable's sponsor box, has Katia get Carl to repair Yemaya's shrine so that the goddess rises again, and bargains with Carl in a channel the system cannot read. 'She can go fuck herself,' says Mordecai — whose brother died the last time someone refused her.
  • Inle this book only — Deaf and mute, a sea serpent round him, back from the Nothing and not all there: one of the Thorn Room's gods, whose voice in Carl's head says 'She can't heal a canyon that's dug this deep. I can. You're just like me.'
  • Jola this book only — Jola the Yule Cat, Katia's mythic Icelandic totem given to Donut: a house-sized dirty-brown Persian with a garbage-can candle melted to his head, arriving in a blizzard to an opera dirge, hungering for the naked and the lazy and 'the sweet, sweet taste of severed toddler tongue'. He speaks only Icelandic, eats a Nightgaunt whole, strips Quan Ch with Fashion Critic and eats his pants, and threatens Carl for taking the cloak. 'It makes me wish our entire deck was cats.'
  • Judge Lucian this book only — A blue-haired cat-show judge with pink glasses and a search history, deckmaster head of the Reminiscence Hydra: 'Pelvic examine my ass!' 'That's part of the exam!'
  • Jurgen — A keyless crawler in Brazil who breaks his own door early to make Osvaldo's squad dig with him — 'Whoopsies' — and is forced to Flee in their card battle.
  • Khulan this book only — Ren's paralyser, a small, weathered young woman, Chuluuna's wife, who lost a little girl inside when it started and loses her husband to one of Ren's own totems: dry-eyed and unblinking at the end, arms round Ren's neck.
  • King Croissant this book only — 'The cat Beatrice and Carl really wanted': a fist-sized black kitten with a tiny headset who sings escapes in a manly baritone, level 60, the hydra's totem. Donut flips his card into dust: 'I'm sorry I never got to know you, little brother cousin.'
  • Lazarus-A-Bang-Bang this book only — 'The Son Who Fell. The Sinner, Resurrected': the unique totem Donut makes with Combo and Glow-Up from Uzi Jesus and Asojano — a robed man with a crown of thorns over his eyes, a green nimbus, boils, an 80s action-hero accent and a bazooka that fires something different each time (beetles, rockets, an RPG). 'Welcome to your salvation, motherfuckers.' Level 140, 200 seconds, 'I'm back, bitches!'; eaten by a death worm, dragged to hell by a crab.
  • Legba this book only — A fedora, a coin and a rooster among the seven shrines of the Thorn Room; offers Paz protection and a lay.
  • Lightning Lou — An elderly bloodhound left to guard a closed gas station on Christmas, asleep in a bed with a doggy door, unaware the world ends in a week. Carl asks Orren to send him back to say hi.
  • Luke — The goblin-like, surfer-voiced proxy of the Lemig Sortion at the warlords' table, whose 80%-to-undo democracy cannot leave the game: 'We shoulda bugged out when the mantids did… We all gonna die here.'
  • Madre de Aguas this book only — Cuba's Mother of Waters as a level-125 city boss: a whale-sized freshwater boa that controls every creature in earshot, charmed by a nun's poetry, uncharmed by a teleport, bitten by a zombie fish, and — dead and risen — the shell a Demon Prince falls into. 'She's about to ruin the day of every motherfucker on the island.'
  • Mandla this book only — A crawler who works out that a portal pulls your gear through you, and fights the zombie demons naked. 'That's what I'm doing.'
  • Minge this book only — A level-225 Minor Feral Demon, Slit's little sister, who tears out of the Nothing through the casino's knife game while Samantha is in the casino, calling for her: pink, corpulent, sore-covered, crammed to the ceiling, twenty twig-thin arms with kite-sized claws, clown makeup — 'YOU STUPID POTATO!' — killed by the vorpals through the floor.
  • Naamah this book only — Amayon's level-120 Succubus Nest Queen, breasts defying physics: 'I choose you, stud.' Her fangs shatter on Carl's tech shield; Banjo the Hell Scrub drags her into the dark.
  • Ogun this book only — God of Blacksmithery and Armor, level 250, an outsider from a dissipated pantheon who forges armour for four-legged beasts at a celestial anvil and believes punishments should be handed out in person: he crushes Anton's head, burns Paz's face and permanent, and spares Carl for Emberus's sake. 'Now tell my sister I said, Welcome Back.'
  • Oshun this book only — A ghost in a yellow dress of light in the Thorn Room, charm as a hand on the shoulder and a whisper in the ear: she turns Anton and Carl ('Stop giving Carl an erection!'), and, with Inle, speaks inside Carl's head, offering to drain away what is in it.
  • Ossie — Author of the Cookbook's 18th edition, who writes rarely but has read every edition, and appended to Herot's essay a suspicion that the dungeon lies about where some of its NPCs come from.
  • Pahzi this book only — A good-natured bopca at a roadside saferoom where the phase-two rules are announced.
  • Parvati this book only — Agatha's friend, agent number 21, who peeled from the collective when she did: at the Mumbai site she kills one Borant-employed human and infiltrates another, abandoning her shell — 'My name is no longer Parvati. I am now Alexandro.' 'May the Eulogist ever sleep.'
  • Pater Coal this book only — Hobbledehoy High Cleric Supreme of Emberus, level 101, four and a half feet of Gandalf-and-hobbit who waits for Carl at Club Vanquisher, sneaks him onto the sun, washes his feet in boiling water and sucks a toe, and, milky-eyed, names the crossbow and the oak bracelet. Carl asks if he is the AI: 'We all have our roles. And our limitations.' He brokers the church's million-gold ring.
  • Paulie — 'People call me Paulie, but my real name is Goff': a Residual in the body of a smoker robbed by his brother-in-law, reciting every morning at a Homestead shelter's Christmas breakfast, red trapper hat on, for a crawler who might one day stand in the memory. 'Biologically, I am gondii, though that is not who I truly am… Let me tell you how to shut off the—' Orren says he never made it into the dungeon.
  • Paz Lo this book only — A prison guard from Havana, armoured, warm, who teaches Carl the land crabs and monk seals and warns him about the sister with his last breath: Ogun's handprint burns his face to muscle and makes his debuff permanent; he refuses the potion — 'My soul is at peace' — and Sister Ines stabs a flag into his neck. A common green card, summoned to beg for no more, and then, with Katia's bolt in a goddess's eye and his self-destruct at her neck, 'Paz Lo. The God Predator. Level 101 Former Crawler.' Donut tears his card in half because, Katia says, it is what he wanted.
  • Pieter this book only — Odette's cousin, thirteen at the picnic where she hit him with a rock and told him to go home; he had tagged along, the three of them entered the dungeon together, and she picked her friend over him when the AI made her choose. 'It had broken him into so many pieces. And those pieces, Carl. They were wrong.'
  • Potsy this book only — A lisping ram-headed Ares Warrior Cleric of Hellik at Club Vanquisher's door, one of twenty brothers who pray to a window they insist shows Hellik: 'Did… did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?'
  • Prime Minister Glory — The Gleener Prime Minister of the Syndicate, whose children are among the half of the galaxy's wealth trapped in the Scolopendra Club, and who will not blow the star: 'You are literally asking us to destroy the economy and well-being of the entire galaxy.'
  • Rampageous this book only — The lead slug of the sluggalos' retreat, almost as big as Carl, who smashes through the bicycle barricade: 'Oh hey, 313. Did you see that shit? Fucking epic!'
  • Raul — A Red Maníseros Land Crab, Sun-Kissed Cloud Rank Warrior, level 70, flagged in a U-Haul while chanting to himself that he will never kowtow: a grovelling coward ('This worm grovels and kotows in your resplendent light') with a ranged Bris crush, used as a cudgel by Shi Maria, 'the spider lady's jinetera' — who snaps a wolf's head off, saves Carl from the ogre, and, over a pile of dead baby seals with Alpha Carl yelling at him, ascends past cloud rank and refills the world with souls. 'I'm ascending! No more kowtowing!'
  • Rezan this book only — A crawler in the chat with Masoud in his teeth — 'He blew up like someone shoved a dynamite stick up his ass' — whose report teaches Carl how portal explosions work, and whose mother is insulted in capital letters.
  • Rishi — A four-armed green-and-purple naga in dented plate, the Blood Sultanate's representative at the warlords' table, married into the royal family, the only one who does not flinch at Juice Box's bomb: 'honor-bound to follow you. Or your companion, Katia.' The sultanate is 'quite versed in dealing with terrorism.'
  • Robert the Human this book only — Donut's first solo opponent in Monroe County: seventy, in a too-small sailor suit with a 'Gene' nametag, level 40, with two totems — Robert the Doll, a faceless doll in a sailor suit, and a stuffed dog named Dog — killed by Mongo before a card matters. His dixie cup becomes Donut's card-draw hat.
  • Rosemarie this book only — An elderly dwarf who pelts a dancer's eye with a gold coin, with Bernie the cattle-dog-patterned mole on her shoulder; manager of the top floor's Meat Shields from a home office that becomes a hole. 'I'm sure gonna miss the cum closet.'
  • Rosetta Thagra — The Cookbook's ninth-edition author, a Crest, host of the talk show Shadow Boxer, taped in the underwater production trailer, where she hides two messages in plain sight — a yam, and a screen of television shows all set in Miami. A member of the Open Intellect Pacifist Network who vanishes with it after the Homestead box, she reappears in the cockpit of the Homecoming Queen, paranoid, a scrambler at her throat, telling Tipid he paid for neither the ship nor a Celestial box: 'Comrade.'
  • Sally this book only — A woman from billing at Carl's work, a single mother, who once asked him out for drinks on Facebook and was fired by 'Operation: Slut Stomp' the day Bea's friend sent Carl's boss the photos; a hydra head of acid foam, at whom Donut shouts, 'I'm glad Miss Beatrice got you fired!'
  • Sam this book only — Carl's friend with the bushiest monobrow he ever saw and a Magic: The Gathering habit, unseen since before Christmas; a hydra head with a death ray, because 'death ray' was once his own joke of a nickname.
  • Sharp-Elbows this book only — Deckmaster Nine: a seven-foot green ogre necromancer witch in rags, 'loosely and half-assedly based on the rich and beautiful Ioway culture', covered in two-foot venomous spikes, who runs Tom's turkeys as her food and raises the Worm Fulcrum. Her spikes go through Carl's eyes; teeth to teeth she whispers 'They starve us… You can satiate us all, Carl'; Raul takes her head. Her eyes, dying, are ones Carl has seen before.
  • Shi Maria — The Screamer, the Widow Endless, the Bedlam Bride, MaeMae to Samantha: a level-140 Reaper Spider Minion and demigod banished from the celestial realm to a Cuban swamp because, legend has it, she killed and ate her husband, a killing she does not remember, with a fifth eye that blinds and maddens and a human head on a putty neck. She swallows Samantha, weeps on cue, bargains her way into Donut's deck for a ride to Larracos, eats six heads off a hydra, and, combined with Carl by a misfired card, tattoos herself above his sternum with ink made from a root and a friend's blood. 'Either way, I win.'
  • Shi Maria's husband this book only — A second, male voice inside Shi Maria while she wears Carl — 'Child. Hold on. Hold on with everything you can'; 'You killed me, and now I am here' — 'Don't trust her, boy. Get her out of you as soon as you can.' Perhaps her husband, the god from a forgotten pantheon she is said to have eaten.
  • Sister Ines this book only — Sister Ines Quiteria: a Havana brown cat-woman with a magical trident and a horror of false gods, the last of a Havana crew Carl takes for two convicts and a prison nun. Paz's dying confession: the men were guards, and she was the inmate — El Segador de La Habana, the Reaper of Havana, who poisoned every sister in her convent — and her race carries Toxoplasma, a charm that makes you love her and forget she told you. She flags dying Paz into a card, charms a sea serpent with poetry as the Nebulars' bard, and dies on a hallway floor mid-charge under Louis's knife, her body a doorway for Ysalte.
  • Skylar Spinach this book only — The donkey-headed snake ghommid splitter from the Colon cemetery: silent, huddling up to Mongo and Samantha, splitting when killed into Skylar (a bat-winged donkey head with Dodge 15) and Spinach (a spike-flinging headless snake) — two stronger temporary cards. Combined with Lazarus so that his death returns gilded Jesus and Asojano.
  • Splash Zone — An otter water mage whose Wet Spot routine will not cast here; married to Snail Trail, son-in-law of Grandma Sticky, both missing with the old dancers.
  • Tami-Lynn this book only — Carl's stepmother, in nurse's scrubs and, by Donut's guess, Katia's age, with a pitbull tattoo on her neck and morphine hidden in the alliums, who wrote to Carl and was never answered — Bea, Carl concludes, saw the message and hid it: she gives her husband his 'boost' and takes Asher to a neighbour's. As a hydra head: poison, and 'I don't regret it… I made sure it was done right.'
  • The Luau this book only — A fat pink orc in a coconut bra and grass skirt with a conga-playing piglet, killed with her Mo'o in five seconds by a hob-lobber: the doctrine of killing the deckmaster first.
  • The Visitor this book only — Deckmaster Seven on the Iowa mound: a Nightgaunt — one of the peaceful bat-Neanderthal-donkeys the Grays ride, one of which a Null brought illegally to Earth in 1903 and got shotgunned into a legend — so enraged by Carl's cloak that he never plays a card before Jola eats him.
  • Tipid — A Crest and former crawler, author of the Cookbook's fourth-edition notes ('It was me or him, and I chose to save myself'), who pilots the Homecoming Queen — a Long Haul garbage freighter converted to carry fifty thousand former crawlers — into Earth orbit as troopers for the Princess Posse. He knows what the bone key costs, because he once faced a similar choice between saving himself and saving another.
  • Tom this book only — Deckmaster Eight: a magic-using turkey in a rafter, Bereft Shaman of Meleagris Gallopavo Rex, whose god Wakinyan a goat killed, who took a witch's protection for a daily sacrifice. 'Gobble?' — obliterated by the Daughter's Kiss.
  • Tuesday Two-For-One this book only — A snaggle-toothed, pierced goblin prostitute chewing gum in the shelter of the Penis Parade: 'Are they going to get each other off or something?'
  • Uzzi this book only — Mordecai's brother, a winged crawler on the prologue's tenth floor, minutes from collapse: the living vessel Chaco stabs with the Dart of Ophiotaurus on Odette's private order, so that the goddess Dodola can form inside his Circle of Containment and break the exit puzzle. He understands, spreads his wings, and dies, and Mordecai, his brother, swears in the chat: 'I am going to kill you, Odette.'
  • Vitasy this book only — A sullen bopca in a saferoom that is someone's house south of Havana, who lets Carl's coin clatter to the floor.
  • Walter this book only — A level-101 Sai, one of the steampunk samurai rhinoceros guards of the Larracos level — ex-firefighters who 'don't care about rules or laws or morals' — examined as the Sai charge Minge; his own fate goes unrecorded.
  • Warlord Fangs this book only — The Reavers' representative: a diesel-shaking 1960s robot for Carl's benefit, from a people who kept only their brains, live on a Dyson sphere and are said to have once been related to the Nebulars. 'Are you a robot vampire?'
  • Yago this book only — Sister Ines's totem, a monk seal warrior Carl helps her team flag; summoned by Ysalte at level 95 of the Earth Order — 'Time for Yago to go to poundtown on your ass!' — he crashes through the FOCSA building's floor and is sent to hunt Louis.
  • Yasmine this book only — A level-75 wisp, a mote of light with fairy wings, Secretary of the Club Vanquisher Temple Portal, a worshipper of Áine: 'You can't block the portal.'
  • Yemaya this book only — Goddess of Rivers, once of all waters, queen of love and bringer of life, forgotten by all but her friend Eileithyia: re-ascended when Bomo assembles her obelisk, a dark-skinned siren rising from her own fountain with twin tails in a heart ('She's the Starbucks logo!'), a retainer of Eileithyia, who gives Donut The Thief and sends Bomo to Larracos with a word.
  • Yuguleth this book only — A chained heavy-metal devil shown on the recap being raptured up out of Sheol into a zombie seal and dragging a crab back down: 'I hate this fucking place.'
  • Yvonne Vu this book only — A crawler whose stairwell chamber sits in a subway station under a hundred metres of rock.
  • Zeynep — A level-52 Boring Ol' Mage in her late fifties who takes Carl's chat request, mutes her own drunk teammate to stop him, and apologises.
Book 7 — This Inevitable Ruin 47
  • Admiral Corinne Whimpleshin this book only — A camel adjutant with a martini, calling foul.
  • Akuma — Leader of the War Mage Rebellion, level 100, twelve times re-sleeved, whose men tear King Stalwart apart and who tells Carl 'Nice shoes, asshole'; sole warlord once Agatha abandons her post. He says the Rebellion wanted only to test the potions and take the Scavenger's daughter from the castle, and asks Carl to kill Agatha for him.
  • Annie this book only — Two Annies: the baby with brain cancer in an Icelandic children's hospital whom Katia was refused, and died alone — her favourite and worst memory — and the skull-headed bird card from the eighth floor that comforts her, left for Donut.
  • Architect Houston this book only — The Madness's warlord, prime of the Viceroys for his discoveries: a white mask with a red teardrop, six arms and a rifle, an amplification table, the one creature a king fears. Carl finds him on his own table under the Grease Monkey wiring himself to a dead changeling — 'the Beautiful Place… right under our mandibles' — and dies saying 'It's you.'
  • Arief this book only — War Leader of the Larracos infantry, level 80, Despondent, in his great-great-grandfather's hat; he shows Carl the rings and the water line, names his uncle the Jatismara, vows against Architect Houston, and controls the diggers while Juice Box is away.
  • Bodi — A veteran colonel of the 103rd with a spear that comes back, once a god's champion in his own season; he seeds the field with corpses and is ordered to retreat without cover: 'Very well.'
  • Boomer this book only — A grizzled old elf veteran of one of the earliest seasons, with a cigar, a warrant and two war gauntlets, who takes command of the southern front, runs the Reaver raid and tells Carl to stay out of his operation. In the epilogue he is in orbit, older, calling York to warm up the lasers.
  • Brother Widespread Tempest this book only — An Untouchable ogre made touchable, who runs.
  • Corporal Pillbox this book only — A gnoll mercenary who guarded a moon, asks for his cousin's life, and survives D'Nadia's employ to nod down at Carl, crying, as the city leaves.
  • Dante — The third edition's author, a crocodilian thief who took a deal at the start of the eleventh floor and, fourteen seasons short of his exit, was killed by administrative action for refusing orders while reassigned as an Ice Castle guard. A fellow owner of the Cookbook, he moved guilds to be near Justice Light, his brother in the book, and never told him who he was; remembered in the Dante interlude and in Justice Light's account to Juice Box of the ice castle.
  • Eris — The goddess of chaos, summoned by battlefield conditions with Nami inside her, who panic-casts Bear Witness and Bring Forth the Witnesses over a whole floor, is balled up with Meatus, and walks free at level 250 when her pilot dies: All Knowing, a wine aunt, half-sister of Taranis. She bites Carl's ear, snaps his pinkie, tells him where the Gate is and that he is 'already married', and turns up in the epilogue at a fuel stop.
  • Fopsy this book only — Former Prime Minister Fopsy, a tripod — a basketball on three legs, emotionless — adjutant for the Dream, who theorises about the residual's purpose and will not say more before a combatant; passed over for prime minister because nobody is sure what he knew of Tagg.
  • Gonk this book only — Dong Quixote's swamp yak, who carries all her riders through a teleport trap, gnaws an impaled gnoll, and gets her own carrier from Prepotente.
  • Griffin and Morales this book only — Two neck-tattooed crawlers with no restraint and three hours of vomiting.
  • Gustavo 3 this book only — The second of Lucia Mar's two rottweilers, terror of the dungeon: lightning from the mouth, Porcupine Defense quills, and Mongo's neck in his jaws until Rend's Wrecking Ball ends him. When he dies, a mantis colony's star goes nova, and Lucia tells Carl he should have killed them both while there was still a connection.
  • Hapanzi this book only — Shi Maria's husband, a god who is a spider and a man: 'I have her now, son… Worry not, my children.'
  • Harpocrates this book only — The supposedly mute god who chases his stolen member across the floor — a slim young kaiju in white-and-gold robes stained red — is stopped by golden ogres at Shanty Town's threshold, conscripted by Li Na into the Princess Posse at level 250, beats Yarilo to death with the ball, and swears, not mute at all, that the Champion of Nekhebit will pay.
  • Heidi this book only — Jurgen's pregnant wife, who is not there: she vanished into the kinder facility on the surface, and 'Jurgen and Heidi' fight on without her.
  • Herman the Fleet this book only — The thin ogre brother packed with satchels, fighting the compulsion to the end.
  • Hortense this book only — The Operatics' warlord on a litter, 'a fat pile of goo', dead in the blast; a collective mind formed in part, the War Crime card says, from the essence of the only prior caster, 'why he has a twitch'.
  • Jamal — The hammerhead shark who yearns to hop: Katia designs his spider legs and Rosetta's crafters fit him with Velma, Tserendolgor's flamethrower; the nuke's pulse wrecks his fifth set ('Such woe I have!'). One of the few NPCs who stays with the Posse.
  • Jason Manning Fucks this book only — A sluggalo with a war on.
  • Jessica this book only — A changeling who lived among the ice elves, wearing Worgo and then Juice Box.
  • Judge Deng Bao this book only — A grixist judge, adjutant to the last season's winner and Victory's teacher; the only one who would serve as the War Mage Rebellion's adjutant, in a flooded castle he cannot breathe in.
  • Kandy Bigs Newton — A level-29 sluggalo who bursts out of Carl's back outside a god's temple in Club Vanquisher on the ninth floor and puts a hatchet between the Sepsis Whore's eyes — 'Right in the nugget!' — and is credited with a warlord; bulldog-sized, pink-haired, pierced, with a hatchet growing from her head and a teardrop painted on her eye stalk, riding a yak's head and offering an adjutant ten gold. Most of the surviving sluggalos stay with the Princess Posse.
  • Khepri — Not a cleric: a god with a beetle for a head, level 250, retainer of Adrasteia since Khnum died, in his own temple of 433 kinds of bug; banished at the club's temple portal by a voice.
  • Kristen Cronin this book only — A Crisper on the southern front who burns her infected comrades and sits down to cry.
  • Little Günter this book only — 'Hi, I'm Günter!' — the spell from the Legendary 1914 box, sent running at a god.
  • Meatus — A feral god summoned by the Gate: a walking penis who wraps himself around Eris, is caught in Donut's ball, and dies under the Astral Paw crying 'Daddy, help me! I just wanted to sing!' Harpocrates's, it turns out.
  • Menerva — A crawler from Porthus's own crawl whose foot was stuck at the end of his tenth floor while she screamed at him to run; he never learned whether she made it. A schoolteacher about to retire, building a house in the eastern canopy with her husband, who dreamed of opening a club where musicians could perform. Rosetta loves him despite 'his unhealthy obsession with finding a missing crawler from his own crawl'.
  • Mork this book only — A ram with a lisp and a bounty to split; eyes backwards, a rib in his hand, chains for his ghost.
  • Nami this book only — A model and influencer who outbid the Priory to pilot Eris and had surgery to look and sound like Hekla; blown out of the ball when a war mage strips the goddess's soul armour, and hob-lobbed before her flesher can become a war mage.
  • Neelii this book only — A gnoll guard Donut knows by name.
  • Nekhebit this book only — A goddess of the twelfth floor's court who, Hellik says, is behind the rot; Milk and Rosetta think a spell of hers probably made the first crawler to cast three atrocities her Champion, and Donut is now the Oak Fell, Champion of Nekhebit, forbidden to worship outside her court.
  • Opiee this book only — The Madness's bune adjutant, who found the theory worth the risk.
  • Panford this book only — The Sortion's dreadnaught adjutant, who calls the foul on his own warlord and names Nurse Yugoslav on the eighteenth floor.
  • Penn this book only — A Fortification Engineer with an H-beam and a war cry.
  • Princess Chandra — Princess Chandra, Esquire: the lawyer assigned to Donut for the deals at the end of the ninth floor, whose meeting with her had 'some serious fireworks'. Quasar: 'She's your new wife.'
  • Princess Vinata this book only — The Blood Sultanate's warlord: six arms, red eyes, a flowering branch and a scent, Borant's dead whispered in Carl's ear and an offer to solve 'your Katia problem'; she sets the trap at the Temple of Khepri, worships the god herself, is immortal for sixty-three seconds, and dies mad from the Eye with Bigs's hatchet in her forehead: 'We were almost free.'
  • Ryan Smogo this book only — A Blood Swimmer on the line who notices when the guns stop.
  • Selvi and Tuba this book only — Burcu's conscripted teammates — an elf Valide and a human Boring Ol' Fighter — tied up and bleeding under the no-healing debuff at the Madness castle; freed when the Madness falls, they take deals at the tenth.
  • Simoom this book only — Ferdinand's rhinoceros, gentle as an old horse, who falls with the yak and comforts it.
  • Tart this book only — The Reavers' antlered adjutant, 'one of the galaxy's foremost political analysts' and no prostitute, whatever the strippers and Bigs say.
  • Toyotomi this book only — A sai rhino outpost guard who wants to die defending a building, builds the Nest in almost two days while Carl asks him the same question three times, and is cleaved in half at its door by Lucia Mar. Dead-dead.
  • Warlord Fang this book only — The Reavers' warlord, a pink boy in underwear who is 99 per cent machine and replaceable from 'the Initial'; he escapes War Crime as a robot fly, installs himself in his pet drake Calliope, and dies when the Reaver castle's mini nukes bring her down.
  • Yarilo this book only — The feral god of lust, Emberus's kin, banished for ruining one of Apito's masquerades and summoned by the Gate's last opening: he chases Samantha ('By his left tit, stop running!'), is conscripted by a war mage's potion, and dies begging 'Not my face' under Harpocrates's mace. His death angers the gods.
  • Zander this book only — A saccathian ruined by the embargo, pulling Veriluxx Real Pet Companion toys off the shelf at his waystation when Eris walks in.